Ponderings

I've been thinking a lot about family. Particularly about when I get a little older and have a family of my own. I wonder if I'll make as good of a husband and father as I hope to be. This pondering was started by a dream, actually. Let me share this dream with you. Just keep in mind that all of the things that the dream was very serious and if there is something that could be taken as random and funny, it was in fact very fitting and serious in my dream. So having given that disclaimer, let me proceed:
I was walking down a neighborhood street. I turned a corner on which sat an abandoned home. As I'm walking past this house, I notice that there is a little girl sitting in the bay window of the second floor. I know that the house is abandoned and uninhabitable, so it couldn't be some new resident's daughter. In fact, it appears (and turns out) that the girl had been abandoned there. I tried the door and it wouldn't open, so I climbed up the terrace to the window and retrieved the girl, took her home and adopted her. Let me just add at this time that the girl was absolutely the most beautiful little girl I've ever laid eyes on, real or not.
My dream then skipped a year or so. The girl is somewhere around 3 years old. I go home early and my wife is leaving the house with a strange man, my daughter is in her arms. It's apparent that she's leaving me and trying to take our daughter, so I plead with her to let me keep my daughter, but she refuses and takes flight. I ran after them for quite a distance as they made for a nearby bus station. When we get to the station, I yell at the officer to help and he runs over as I catch up to them and get into a scuffle with my wife's boyfriend. The officer, however, thinks I'm an assailant and they manage to convince him that I'm trying to kidnap my own daughter. So he arrests me and i spend the next few years in a jail cell. When I get out, I try to see my daughter and explain to her what really happened and why she had to spend the years without her daddy, but my wife and her new man have turned my own daughter against me and she won't listen to a word I have to say.
I've never had a dream in which an emotion was so strong. The love I felt for my daughter was incredible. Absolutely unexplainable. The ONLY thing I wanted was for her to understand how much I really loved her and just to come back to me. I didn't care about my own health or well being, I just wanted her to know that she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I woke up on the verge of tears because she never did, and the feeling stuck for at least a week- maybe longer.

After that, I started thinking a lot about when I have kids of my own. I want to be the absolute best father in the world. I want my kids to love me and feel close to me. I want there to be an atmosphere in my home that's never existed before in my parents'.
As much as I do love my own parents and respect them, there has never been a particularly loving atmosphere in our house. My parents were angry and impatient with my siblings and myself for basically all of our childhoods. I understand how hard things were for them and no longer blame them for it, but I don't want to be like that. I want my kids to know that no matter how tough my life may get, there is always time for them and that my ability to be a good father to them is not contingent upon anything.
I want my wife to know that my happiness with her is not dependent on my career or financial situation. I want her to know that even if I'm stressed and tired, she is the most important thing in the world. I want her to know that I can't wait to be an old, crotchety man with her. I want her to know that I can't wait for her to be an old, ornery woman with me. I want her to know that I want to stand at her side and watch our children grow up and give us grand-babies and share the pride I feel for them with her.

I know this post deviates from my usual mood and tone, but I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I wanted to share my thoughts. I have a feeling, though, that I'm not the only one.